People write for an incredible variety of reasons.
I write because it’s cathartic, it feels natural, and I can express myself exactly the way I want to.
You see, I have social anxiety.
I’m an educated person. I have lots of ideas. Hell, I can even be funny if I don’t try too hard! And yet somehow, when I’m in conversations, there are moments and times when I have nothing to say. Nothing. At all.
How is that possible?
Anxiety is a crippling disorder. It preys on fears and often leaves the sufferer feeling helpless.
For me, it means I have an irrational fear that people are always judging me. I may blush or tremble, I may get red, but my heart rate always climbs, I always speak too quickly, and my mind always goes blank. I can’t think of anything to say or anything to ask the other person.
My heart screams, “I like you! I really do! I want to talk to you!” but my mind reels: “You got nothin. They’re just judging you anyway. Whatever you say is going to be stupid, and then you’re going to be the focus of attention, so let’s not say anything.”
Sometimes, I self-medicate, but I don’t like the vulnerability hangover that ensues.
Instead, I prefer writing. When I write, it flows. I do it for myself, and then, maybe, I’ll share it. I’ve been writing in journals since I was in elementary school. Diaries were my way to express myself and share my thoughts when I didn’t have anyone in particular to share my thoughts with. As I embarked upon college, I found that I could write down what I was learning and what I was thinking and it would be well received by my community. And a writer was finally born.
I like sharing my experiences. I hope that putting myself out into the world this way resonates with some and provides context to others. I hope that someone will be able to read what I write and say, you know what, I feel the same way, and I’m ready to feel better too.
As I write, I’ll be sharing lots of experiences. I’ll share my literature reviews, my experiences around the world, and how my anxiety fares at periodic intervals. I hope you’ll join me on my journey, both literally and figuratively, as I continue to learn and grow and reflect as I go.
Who Am I?
Where have I been?
Check out the image below for a visual of all of the amazing places I’ve been fortunate enough to experience and My Bucket List for the places I hope to visit soon.